Grateful

I came home from Kent with so many words floating in my heart---new poems and new connections. I hope to post more in depth soon, but for now, check out Arlan at the Wick blog. I'm so lucky my roots landed here.

30 Love

I'm writing a book comprised of essays/fiction about love for my 30th birthday. For some reason, blogger isn't letting me paste it here so send me an email if this is enough of a tease...

Off to OH-10!

In a few days, I'll be in Kent for Wick and Why and Later readings! Check out the info on the side! 

The Canfield Fair

It's taken me a while to post these, but here they are---photos from one of my favorite places on earth, The Canfield Fair. It's a yearly ritual and elements from it often appear in my writing. The sideshow freaks are gone and there's a hell of a lot more to deep fry---my favorite being the s'mores this year (the same booth also had the deep fried cereal). Some improvements are much better; orange shakes as opposed to lemon, Alpacas and their knitted ditties, and some Youngstown area artists!

 And some things never change---the pumpkins! I have to eat the fries with vinegar and visit the apple barn and the vegetable oddities! I'm still trying to a work a Ramona poem in there. Also chocolate covered bananas and milkshakes!

Just returned from Molly and Piotr's wedding in Baltimore to park behind a bug with Ohio plates! And Mahoning County to boot! And the owner, lives in the building next door and went to Canfield High! Ohio is in my heart tonight as I type away at poetry submissions and cover letters for that elusive academic job market. Gasp! Fall is in full effect!

Oh, and that's my friend Melissa's dog Skylar with the sea horse chew toy that I gave her at her puppy shower! 

Thinking About Judaism This Fall

The air is beginning to have that hint of fall in it---there's a patch on my sidewalk where I can smell fall leaves (still there from last season on the ground?!). And Drisha is starting up again so in a way it's back to school time. In a few days, I'll be at The Canfield Fair looking at gigantic pumpkins. And I think I'll be bringing my Hebrew flashcards to hone up before I have to face Rabbi Berger after a summer off. Time for some vocab cramming! But I digress---I've been really into the Olympics---watched every night while bartending! And so this article on the Lilith blog caught my eye...

What did Delaware?

I don't know, Alaska! 

Enough of the cheesy geography jokes though today I'm ~virtually~ in Delaware and  I'm in good company today!

I'm on the Run!

I've decided to get back on track so to speak and run in the NYSCASA 5K! It will be my first race since high school so please consider making a donation and helping me reach my goal! My donations page is here!

Making Headlines

My friend Lia woke me up to tell me that I was famous :). I don't know about that, but this article was a great way to begin my day. I remember weeks ago meeting with Randi from the New York Jewish Week at a great coffee shop and feeling more like I was having a conversation than being interviewed. So hats of to her for doing us all justice. And quite beautifully!

I've been doing a great deal of thinking about life---how I arrived at where I am, making connections between past, present, and future (even though the Tolle book says no, only be in the present)...

I gave up quite a bit to be in New York---a very comfortable life in DC where I was teaching, in a wonderful relationship---all things that most people wouldn't trade (sometimes I'm still not sure why I did). I don't know if I want too much, but I do think that I should try for it all. I still can't decide if content is a good or bad thing. Or even if I should call anything good or bad. 

I'm not sure why any of us do anything any more. Usually, it's only a small feeling or voice inside saying move, go, yes, no.  And maybe that's Gd somewhere within. So here I am. And I know, I'm lucky for as much as what is mine right now.

A New Earth

I've been reading Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth and while normally I think these self-realization/help books are silly, I'm finding this one to be the exact opposite of what I expected. His book is the reason why these books are written---definitely the essence of the genre. Combine this with being in Maine and having a slower pace---and you realize the body could use a lot less---or a lot more, depending on how you look at it. I've been striving towards simplicity and meaning in that simplicity. And having that balance while living in a city. Yoga is teaching me that everything contains its opposite. You need to root down to elongate. You need to lift up to ground down. In every push, there is a pull, and vice versa. I really like the idea of finding grace every day. 

It's a thunderstorm day here---I did morning yoga in the living room after making a smoothie and catching up on my emails after a weekend at the beach. I'm going to make veggie Italian sausage sandwiches for lunch and then begins the week of bartending. Poems will hopefully be written, rest will hopefully be had, and the joy of day to day will take root. One smoothie, one cup of coffee, and one breath, one line at a time.

Maine Girl

After a few crazy days in New York, it's finally vacation. It was a long, sleepy journey up here, but now we're all back to being our normal selves. Ben's already connected the wireless networks so we have the most technological, but rustic cabin. I've done morning yoga on the rocks by the ocean. Isabelle has cleaned everything in sight and is out picking roadside flowers, and Andrew is full of cabin and Maine history. I've got the Maine Wild Blueberry cookbook and I'm going to make Milk Chocolate Blueberry clusters sometime this week. Ben made Blueberry Sausage Breakfast cake with my vegan sausages---it's a keeper---I'm hoping to scan my favorite recipes so I'll be able to bring home some of the goodies. 

Since I can't partake in the lobster, I've found my own smaller treasure. 

B'more Girl, Ohio Girl

Lately, I've been thinking about humble---a blog certainly isn't, but it's a way I try to live (I know, I know says my inner drama queen), but there is a shy and modest streak in me somewhere. I saw it at the OAR concert---shocked to see teenage girls running around so close to naked and yes, now I'm starting to be "I never dressed that way when I was that young!" (I waited until college to slut it up...)

And I've noticed it when other writers are talking about their work---I like to keep mine underwraps a bit, or I have to be prodded to really delve in (my roommates had no idea I was a professor).

And my friend who is in the band is the most wonderful rocker dad I know. Besides the tight pants, you'd think he was your average suburban parent. It makes me proud to be from Ohio---in fact, I named my new computer Ohio Girl, just so she would know her roots and not get too big of an ego---those hipster Macs make me a little skeptical, but you know me and trendy things---I just have to go for them, but in my own way.

Don't worry, the shoes are vegan friendly, no leather and cost me less than three digits for two pairs (yes, I got them in another color as well). And if you want them yourself, check out: Ma Petite Shoe!

Essay Draft

I've been thinking about identity in several different capacities---for panels, my life coaching, my art---and so here's a draft in the works. I'll be in Baltimore this weekend visiting my cousins and seeing O.A.R.!!!

~

Life as a Jewish Writer or a Writerly Jew

The subject for these essays reminds me of an activity from a BBYO summer program. I was 15 and in a room with Jewish teens from all across the country. Rabbi Carrie Carter posed the question: Are you a Jewish American or an American Jew? We were supposed to go to opposite ends of the room based on how we identified. I remember thinking, which is stronger, the adjective or the noun, the word or the modifier---which one held the most power? I tried to logic it out---most of my peers had already made their decisions. I was sitting in the center of the room with a few other kids. One of them asked if we could be our own category. I don’t remember if Carrie said that was ok or not, or where I ended up, which path I chose.

Years later, I find myself still trying to answer the same question, but in other terms---am I a Jewish writer or a writer who sometimes writes about her Judaism? And I think I will always be writing and thinking about this question. Writing began for me through my Judaism. One year later, after that summer program, I was on another BBYO program, The March of the Living. As part of our experience, we were supposed to keep a journal. I was a compulsive writer. I wanted to document every fact, every moment, every feeling I had as I bore witness to the largest and closest inhumanity I had ever come this close to. Somewhere, poems were born and I became known as the “bus poet.”

In 2006, my first book of poems was released. It’s a poetic sequence written in the voice of a fictitious Holocaust survivor. It was written during the last semester of my MFA, a time when my only Jewish identity was through my writing. At that point, I wasn’t part of a community---there was no BBYO or Hillel, the organizations that shaped my young adult life. I had been own my own and somehow, this voice came from somewhere inside. Even though externally, nothing about me signaled “Jewish,” there was this voice, inside telling me who I was as a writer---definitely Jewish.

We write from the places we’re from. For me, landscape is as much internal as it is external. After spending much of my middle and late twenties unaffiliated, I decided to go back and seek the source from which writing began. My religion. My cultural identity. I applied to be an Arts Fellow at the Drisha institute. I wanted once again to surround myself with a vibrant and artistic Jewish community. Next year, I will continue my explorations of Jewish texts as a part time arts fellow. What I hadn’t thought about until recently is that phrase, we are a people of the book. Judaism is one of the most literary traditions, so it’s no wonder these paths of my life are intrinsically fused together. Before this year at Drisha, I had seen my art and my Judaism as Robert Frost’s proverbial “two roads diverged in a woods,” and I thought I had to pick one, just as I had to cross to one side of the room when I was 15, declaring myself either more “American” or more “Jewish.”

But my learning at Drisha has told me that it’s the exploration of the answer and the journey there. Recently, my writing has taken a new twist. My second book, an anthology of poems in which I edited, compiling poems that women have written about rape and sexual assault, has become a social action project. I found a publisher who would agree to half the profits being donated back to local rape crisis centers. So in this way, my writing has moved from the subject matter as Jewish, to the very purpose of my writing stemming from the Jewish value of Tikkun Olam. Or perhaps that it’s that nothing has shifted except for how I understand my position as both a writer and as a Jew.

Thus, as I grow Jewishly, my writing shifts and is influenced by my learning---whether it manifests itself in the text of my poems, or the purpose behind my work, it’s impossible for me to separate my writing life from my Jewish life because both of my worlds inform each other.

Girls Gone Mild!

I remember reading Wendy Shalit's A Return to Modesty in college---it offered the counterpoint to many of my feminist classes, the phrase I remember was "giving in to your shadow slut," and now as I'm back in the dating pool, I'm finding this is more challenging for women in their late twenties. Eve Grubin had a great article in Presentense a while ago about modesty and here's another one in The Weekly Standard. It's definitely something to think about and consider, but I'm curious about the actual application. I've come up with my own dating rules---not as strict as Shomer N'giah, but a version, just like my vegetarianism is like my kashrut. Maybe J was right a long time ago on the street, maybe I will fall for the black hat type. But most likely, I'm hoping for someone who is as energetic and artistic as I am, and someone who will want to navigate this crazy journey with me.

Y Town in My Town

I came across a Youngstown poem while working on a submission this morning---here's to you, Y-town!

Now, back to sauce it up for more bartending tonight!

The Short List

It's quiet here---which means I've been quite busy working on projects---I'm not going to talk yet about them here, but they have been causing me to be running around a bit more than usual. For work and for play, of course! Some highlights include wine and cheese at Artisanal, drinking my father's Wild Turkey Honey Infused Bourbon out in the courtyard with one of the best people I know, shopping with mom, writer's group, and roommate bonding.

I think I've also been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out how to pursue everything I want---should I focus on a few key projects, or should everything be on a slow boil? I know I don't have the answer yet, but many things are in motion.

Some exciting news thus far to share is that I will be on a panel at next year's AWP conference. Here's the panel and description: Jewish Poetry vs. Poetry by Jews: While many of the great poets of the 20th century—from Delmore Schwartz to Stanley Kunitz—were Jewish, they rarely dealt with Judaism in their work. Today, however, a new generation of poets—many of them women—are addressing Judaism head-on. This panel will look at why and how this change came about, how these poets came to write about religion and culture, what role Judaism plays in the shape and scope of their work, and how they were influenced by the generations that preceded them.

I've actually been thinking about this quite a bit lately and some of the things that are cropping up are astounding. More on this will follow---I've actually started writing an essay about this and will be posting some thoughts on the blog. My co-panelists are Erika Meitner, Sharon Dolin, Joy Katz, and moderator, Eve Grubin.

It was a BANG

and so good to be home with friends and family! These happened in my cousins' yard, and were lit off by my cousin! All of us in one row of lawnchairs---front row baby!

Cupcakes Will Make Everything OK

Just like every cloud has it's silver lining, every cupcake has it's icing.

These fabulous cupcakes here are wheat free and gluten free and amazing! I'd even say as good if not better than Magnolia. And what's awesome is that many people are working on making food for people with allergies. The ones pictured here are courtesy of Pamela of Pamela's Products (I had at least 6 tonight.) At the reading, I also met Lucy whose son is allergic to many things and so she developed her own line as well---I don't know the official website, but I'm sure she's google-able. She's based out of Norfolk, VA. So for those of you looking for yummy treats, these women are sure to satisfy!

I got to the Alimentum reading early and Paulette was all: Do you want to help ice the cupcakes?

Me: Hell yes!

After that, I knew the night was going to be grand...I was even asked to read---and so I read Ramona from the iphone! Yes, I email myself my poems. I read the new one and it went over well and it looks like Ramona will be a book some day. She may even be a one woman show. Someone approached me about that too---I had never considered Ramona live, but since my Drisha collaboration, I'm open to exploring the creative options---

And I brought the cupcakes home (and even the mix so I can make more) for the roommates and they were a huge hit, so it looks like I'm back to fantastic land. And yes, that is a size 2. Traci gave me all her old bar clothes, so eat your heart out ladies.

I know I'll have my cupcakes and still be a 2!

The Fabulous and Not So

Lately I've been thinking about the way we present ourselves on our blogs (as well as in our lives). The way we can make an ordinary thing seem like our life is kissed by something so great, well, we just have to explode and take photos and put it out there in the cosmos for others to come across.

My new chair came. I took it in a cab home. It was sunny and we drove over the Brooklyn Bridge. It cost me $30...I was supposed to go out last night and meet a good friend not from here for her birthday, but I couldn't. I was too exhausted and heart broken. The ex is already back on Jdate. I know, I never blog of these things---the really personal ones. I like to guard my ~real~ life and keep those private moments, well private. So I don't know how long this post will actually stay up. But I'm digressing.

And I'm also living in the past a little bit and I'm sure I'm going through all the things anyone who has ever gone through a break up has been through. This was a man I thought I could marry. I guess I was living in some deluded life that he would realize what it was we had and he would not be able to let go completely. I don't know if this is the case, but I most certainly do not have an online dating presence.

Though as a woman, I suppose these things are a little easier. Wear a cute shirt to a poetry reading and read a poem about menstruation and you will get asked for a drink afterwards. So I know maybe I shouldn't let my mind run in these circles. He did say the dates weren't good. In my mind, he was still mine...

Maybe I need to be hit over the head with this. Maybe I shouldn't waste my tears. Maybe I should sieze the day---after all, I've been in bed since 7 p.m. last night. And I'm sure that my mr. right is out there and has probably already emailed me a poem about me or spent the better half of the evening listening to me snivel, or maybe he knows the right place to have dessert, or can hang shelves. I want to believe it's out there. But I'm still tired and my heart feels like the kitchen after the restaurant's closed. Or like my new chair in the early morning light. My favorite jeans within reaching distance.

Ginger and Juice!

This is the juice (from GoBo) that I had with Beth from NYSCASA that inspired so much---one, a new desk chair from Bo Concept coming my way next week---though mine will have a white slip cover. It's so comfy and my feet hit the floor while my back is supported. It's funny, even though I love my lap top, I love it most on the desk :)

And number two is my new super secret project for The Why and Later. There's much to say about the meeting, but for now, I'm up to my eyeballs in student fiction...I played frisbee all day in Princeton so serves me right to have to buckle down tonight! Let's just say, I'll have a new title soon :)

The Perfect Wedding

Erin got married this weekend. Here's pictures of all of us gals and of her cupcakes! No wedding cake, wedding cupcakes! It was a dream come true for me---still not as good as Sugar Sweet Sunshine, but these orange and pink flowered beauties captured my heart. What was the best part of the wedding, besides all of us together again, was the pictures---on each table they had a picture of them together and on the back they had written letters to each other about that time and their life together thus far and what they hope for the future. It was a simple wedding---you could see so much of themselves and theur families and friends in it. It was really a day about love and life, both theirs and all of ours.

~