Lately I've been thinking about the way we present ourselves on our blogs (as well as in our lives). The way we can make an ordinary thing seem like our life is kissed by something so great, well, we just have to explode and take photos and put it out there in the cosmos for others to come across.
My new chair came. I took it in a cab home. It was sunny and we drove over the Brooklyn Bridge. It cost me $30...I was supposed to go out last night and meet a good friend not from here for her birthday, but I couldn't. I was too exhausted and heart broken. The ex is already back on Jdate. I know, I never blog of these things---the really personal ones. I like to guard my ~real~ life and keep those private moments, well private. So I don't know how long this post will actually stay up. But I'm digressing.
And I'm also living in the past a little bit and I'm sure I'm going through all the things anyone who has ever gone through a break up has been through. This was a man I thought I could marry. I guess I was living in some deluded life that he would realize what it was we had and he would not be able to let go completely. I don't know if this is the case, but I most certainly do not have an online dating presence.
Though as a woman, I suppose these things are a little easier. Wear a cute shirt to a poetry reading and read a poem about menstruation and you will get asked for a drink afterwards. So I know maybe I shouldn't let my mind run in these circles. He did say the dates weren't good. In my mind, he was still mine...
Maybe I need to be hit over the head with this. Maybe I shouldn't waste my tears. Maybe I should sieze the day---after all, I've been in bed since 7 p.m. last night. And I'm sure that my mr. right is out there and has probably already emailed me a poem about me or spent the better half of the evening listening to me snivel, or maybe he knows the right place to have dessert, or can hang shelves. I want to believe it's out there. But I'm still tired and my heart feels like the kitchen after the restaurant's closed. Or like my new chair in the early morning light. My favorite jeans within reaching distance.