It's difficult being gracious. Last night I was able to get things back into perspective. Chris Abani read from his poetry and prose and I was shook---to the core. He read a poem about a jazz singer singing only to you and somehow last night, I kind of felt that, not that he was reading only to me, but he was reading to individuals, not a collective audience. There was an intimacy and a closeness. It was one of those eye opening readings in which you realize or re-realize why you write, why you have chosen this vocation. I seriously urge you all to google him and discover what I can't possibly convey here.
I guess what I mean about gracious is more being contented, of breathing in the moment, and those of you who know me well, know that I am a horrible Buddhist. I try and fail, frustrate and fluster until I gasp. Last night I listened to Jonathan breathe while asleep, my hand across his side. And I fell back asleep to that rhythm--I needed reminded that it is as simple as breath, one foot in front of the other, take in each moment. He is teaching me the joys of imperfection--of crumbs on the table, clothes haphazard on the floor, of not worrying about the unmades and undones. For the first time in a while I wrote a poem using the word I (meaning myself), and a poem in which he made an appearance. And just last week I had told my students that I hadn't written a love poem in a long time. It's far from perfect and probably a bit sappy, but it was necessary.
Today the apartment has been cleaned by my lovely cleaning lady and smells of oranges! I went to the Mustard Seed and came back with some new duds for Austin and Arizona (all gift certificates and selling back my vintage discards)! And now packing and yoga at 5:15! So this will be my last post before vacation. Make sure you check out the pics of the Alimentum reading from a while back. I'm posting the one of me reading b/c I'm quite a humble ham. Ramona likes the flowers in my hair and she's also looking forward to an adventure out west!
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