I hate being sick. And I hate that I hate being sick. And I hate that I'm having trouble being sick. And I hate that I have to blog about it to clear my head. I should be relaxing and focusing on resting and feeling better but I'm thinking about what I have to do and what should have been done if I wasn't sick. Perhaps I'm a work-a-holic. I know being busy makes me happy. I always feel like I have to be doing something. Maybe that comes from being an only child or an overachiever...where did all this come from? And why am I suddenly vomitting up all my thoughts. People have told me I'm always looking for the next step---grad school, jobs, poems, publishing, opportunities, etc...I'm not saying this is all bad b/c it's good to have goals and to strive, but when does striving lead to strife? I have a difficult time saying no to picking up shifts at the bar and I always want to help other people out and do as much as I can, but I'm beginning to realize that not everyone is the same way.
So here is what I am trying to celebrate today because I think I'm afraid of failure and mediocrity and essentially not being liked or thought to be successful, wonderful, etc. I'm trying not to think that my world is crashing down just b/c I'm sick and not able to do what I should be doing for a day or so, because really it isn't. I'm just a drama queen:
1. My friend who lives upstairs who lent me some DVDs (so I can not think anymore)
2. My girlfriends who listened to me vent today on the phone
3. J for picking up poems for me and bringing bananas and playing shrink with me
4. Reb and all the poetry people who are burlesquing tonight without me (yes, the show goes on...)
5. LS for a great blurb who found time in her schedule to think about my poems
6. My cousin Evan Offstein for getting in touch---a long lost cousin turns up again in the DC area...how much family do I have? I'm really excited to meet him and his family.
7. It was a beautiful day in DC and it was nice to open the window and let some fresh air in. Hopefully some lingered and will leave me with fresher, more spring-like thoughts.