Lately, I've been thinking about community and the ways in which we identify ourselves. I've also been thinking about who I am and what I want---in this moment, and what I think I will want for the future. I was making myself crazy working on this---I do miss Ohio and I know that will surprise a lot of folks if I end up back home next year. Myself included.
I haven't been the most active or observant person lately---even though I'm around them all the time at Drisha and I shy away from group Shabbats. But there is something that pulls me about Judaism. On Sunday I met Chana Rothman---who I like to call the Jewish Ani DiFranco! I'm still not sure how my religion and my art share a space in my heart, but they do---maybe in the way we articulated in our artists' class while talking about Ramban---how the body and the soul luckily work to find a synergy, but often struggle to work with one another. So even though I'm not sure how I feel about committing whole heartedly, I had to apply for that fellowship. I've been reading Patricia Weaver Francisco's memoir, Telling, and in one chapter she talks about how a rape will change your perspective about G-d and goodness. It sounds obvious, but that never occurred to me. I'm wondering how that's manifested itself in my life.
I'm also thinking about staying in New York and staying on part time at Drisha or at least to be here to collaborate with Dages and Basya. To accomplish this end, I'm back to more of a regular bar schedule as of the end of the month. I think this will mean cutting back on some classes to find a balance, but it's needed. I don't like not having a regular, steady income. I'm trying to figure out how to be the woman I am and the woman I want to be. After all, I'm 29 today!!!