The Lobster Muses

This is beauty pageant Ramona style: the world's sexiest vegetarian.
http://www.peta2.com/OUTTHERE/o-sexyveg06.asp?c=p2sv92

Been typing up and revising some Ramona poems as this got me thinking more about her.

Today I dropped off more short story drafts and in my mailbox I found a card from a student from last semester. I had written her recommendation letters for an internship at the Holocaust Museum this summer and her study abroad in the fall. She got both!! There's a great quote on the front of the thank you note--"A book is like a garden carried in the pocket." It makes me think that I'm really planting some roots here, city-style though. Also funny because I noticed a single sprout growing out from the bricks on the sidewalk outside my door. How the small things begin to take root.

And speaking of things taking root, make sure to check out the new issue of Beltway Quarterly, poems in response to the Iraqi War: http://washingtonart.com/beltway/contents.html. Hopefully some good has been planted.

Red Hot

Despite my application of sunscreen (SPF 30) twice daily, I am still lobster-esque, just like my red place of employment:

http://theliquidmuse.blogspot.com/2006/05/red-hot-rouge-intimate-red-velvet.html

I'll post pictures from Key Largo when I cool off a bit :)

Last Night's Surreal Dinner Party

Somehow last night I ended up at dinner with Charles Simic and the Serbian Ambassador, though not at their table. But Simic did come over and tell us about his famous cat that is the subject of his children's books, but they're not available in English b/c the illustrations of the wife don't fit the American standard of what an illustrated wife should look like. My wonderful office mate was really the one responsible for this fabulous night as she's on the board for the Folger(where I was tongue tied and in awe), though she did make me tell Simic about Burlesque Poetry Hour and how poets take it off...he didn't seem too keen on making an appearance, but he did raise his eyebrows :).

MSW (my office mate) is one of the most gracious and wonderful people here in DC, and no, not saying that b/c she let me tag along. She's just a good welcoming soul who can talk to anyone about anything and I really admire that. In a way, she reminds me of Maj...

I also got to meet another woman who submitted poems to the Deep Cleveland anthology and it turns out she's from Cleveland. Yes, someone to cheer on the Indians and Browns with! We got to play the way back game to being 16 and hanging out at Coffee and Creations and Arabica (freeka, geeka, and sheeka).

It was one of those nights that I normally term NY nights b/c of how far you seem to drift from where you began. I thought I was going to a reading and then going back home...then DC decided to be surreal. Perhaps it has something to do with the Dada exhibit at the National Gallery, which reminds me I have to check that out soon.

And if it couldn't get any weirder, I come home to find and email from a music student in California who has set my poem "The Story" to music...

Prom and Poetry Update

Our bathtub was amazing, on the 23rd floor looking out at Manhattan, thinking about the night on the town...we were at the Kimberly Hotel which is quite near the Buttercup Bakery...mmm, cupcakes in bed for breakfast!
Do we look old enough to be at the Prom?
the DRESS!!!!
another shot of the dress...hmm, i have more shots of the dress than jonathan...what does that say about our relationship???


POETRY

Today I just found out that one of my poems will be in the Outside Voices Anthology which comes out in 2008 I think. It's huge, like 475 poets. I'm always fascinated by how many people are writing and doing new things (so to speak) and how these communities of ours form. How much of it is by the so called evil networking, which I like to refer to as finding new friends, you know, like discovering new restaurants or something. I often wonder what brings us together. Obviously now the internet and wow, look what technology has done for the literary community. In general I think the internet is a great tool for literacy. So here's the site: http://poetry2008.blogspot.com/

Come, be my book fellow. But wow, look at what we are all doing. All of these dreams of doing meaningful things. That's how I feel about my anthology, (still deep in permissions) but planting the seeds and waiting for that thing to bloom.

The King and Queen of the Prom!!!

The royal blog of text will follow later on this week...

The Latest Burlesque Hype

Last Monday's Burlesque can be viewed here.

And check out May's issue of The Washingtonian. Turn to page 82 and you'll find a very pretty photo of Gina Myers reading at last month's Burlesque.

It was worth it

to wait in line for free Ben and Jerry's today. They have a new banana flavor. I'm surprised Ramona hasn't gone for ice cream yet. I really need to get back to her and back to the museum sequence. Over the weekend I went to the Hokusai exhibit and feel a poem coming on about a woman thrown in a well for breaking a favorite dish.

Spent the rest of the afternoon outside in the Circle reading my student's fiction. Reb sent me some job postings at the NEA but I like being able to play outside. Such is the life of a bartender. You really feel like you are getting away with something not working during the day. And yes, this is totally worth it. I feel like a kid sometimes and speaking of that, the big news is one of my friends is pregnant (with her second child). Wow, it seems like only yesterday we were running around the flats in tank tops in the winter and dancing up a storm. And I see my students and think am I really that much older? And I think of Suzy beginning her family and think of how far we've journeyed from there, though getting back together for Annie's bachlorette party will no doubt bring us around to the circle again reminding us that girls are girls no matter what loops they chose to follow. And I know that no matter which paths we take, we will circle round with each other.

On a Rainy Day looking for a cheap bathtub

A rainy Saturday morning has me inside. I'm still thinking about the aesthetics of the book. Not sure if I really want a Bonnard painting on the front or a photograph or just a blank cover. I'd publish it here but all the permissions and whatnot have got me scared of the red tape, but you can google Bonnard and bathtub and get an idea of what I'm considering. So I'm online looking for other possibilities as permissions are expensive. At any rate, the announcement is up so check it out: http://www.wwph.org/news.html#winners

I find it funny that as I'm struggling with this whole idea of presentation, I have assigned that to my students---to publish so to speak their final portfolio and make something. I think these decisions are important and now I really know as I'm going through this. However, I am lucky in the fact that I get to be a part of this process---many authors don't, so I know I should count my blessings even if they complicate things.

This week's Buzz

I can't really say that much has been going on, except that spring is here. I know that because people are out on the streets now and outside and not at the Rouge. The other day I watched the large bees (I forget what they're called) hover into the roof of the yoga studio. I really like the image of hovering and burrowing. Not sure how I will use it but something felt really good about it, like it was soft, like the bees. I wanted to see them closer. I don't think they sting.

My fancy knives came from Crate and Barrel and tonight I'll use them as I cook my haricot verts for Jonathan. We've been mispronoucing that all week. Leave it to Whole Foods to provoke a week long entertainment. They also have apricot ginger creamcheese which has now yuppified me. Yep, Ramona's got the fancy pants!

Also check out Burlesque on Monday and get your buzz on with these queen bees of poetry: Anna Ziegler, Amy King, and Lauren Bender. Click here for more information.

Connecting to Buddha

I'm currently connected to Buddha, which is what I named my Wireless Network. Yes, I'm serious. I think it will really be the only way that I will actually connect with Buddha on a daily basis. I'm also thinking about a cat, and I'm thinking of naming it something like Moshe, or after some poet that strikes me. Though cat won't come until I do more home stuff for me, like painting and hanging things as cats would complicate all of that.

Jonathan brought me flowers during my office hours and one of my students came by to chat about writing and life. Office hours were finally more than me just grading and surfing the net. I wore these really uncomfortable shoes and had to take a cab home which sucked b/c I walked to work in the rain and then rode home when it was sunny. Alas, I changed into better shoes and walked over to the J for the reading of Passover poems. This is the new breezy me, I realized my limitations and accepted my body for what it was and then figured out how to accomodate the posture. Yoga speak is good speak.

Though I teach with Jane Shore and Faye Moskowitz, I never really got to hear either one of them read and it made me appreciate both of them even more. Such tenderness and humor (I'm talking about their work as well as them as individuals. I loved Faye's story about eating Milky Ways on Passover and Jane's "Shit Soup" poem. And then Carolivia Herron and Josh Weiner---two writers living so close to me that I never read. It was a reading with such grace and spirit, reminded me of Wick readings in a way, when the people are as good as the work and the work is as good as the people and everyone is there for the right reasons.

And then my friend Sandra came and told me that someone very wonderful got the Pulitzer. And that reaffirmed everything for some reason and I felt good and I think she felt good and then she left and I took a bath and now I'm connecting to Buddha so I can write this stream of blog, when I have so much to say and none of it comes out exactly right. Perhaps that is the Buddha, just letting me ramble, trusting that it is good or that there is goodness. And my friend Anna is going to read for us in Burlesque and Harriet emailed me about the anthology that we had talked about over the summer in Philly (yes, a new project) and I'm realizing that there are so many connections that I'm making but not like networking in the evil sense when it's out for self promotion but when you really want to connect because you realize it's the connection that matters, not the outcome. Nameste to you and your wireless.

In My Shoes

Not having my internet at home has at first been causing much anguish but has also removed some stress and compulsive behavior on my part. Now I can't check email like 20 bazillion times and google myself and look for hot shoes online, or rather pictures of hot shoes that I bought so you all who don't live close by can get a glimpse of my tootsies, or rather what's on my tootsies. (By the way, today I'm wearing the new Mary Jane red Campers). I'm walking in the shoes of a girl no longer chained to incoming messages and enjoying the freedom from technology, It's funny, these advances, meant to enrich our lives also come with a cost--it's hard to imagine dealing without these things. Cell phones, email. Think about all the people who walk around on their phones all the time, think of all the things they miss while walking. I wonder if technology makes us more self absorbed? I like the way this fits, though email comes next tuesday--or perhaps, I'm still battling the evil Verizon monopoly and their bureaucracy but that's another rant, neither worth my time or yours. I'll leave that battle to my corporate lawyer boyfriend. He can fight the good fight for fair use of pole attachments and anti-corporate mergers and free cable lines and whatnot.

In class we're talking about perspectives, how something changes from first to third person, what details filter in and who gets to be the one with the voice in our stories. So often we only focus on our own and our needs. So I'm going to more yoga and trying to see the greater schema of life, and of not focusing on the smaller things like Verizon and my shoes (the latter being much more challenging). We're also talking about setting and how the places we encounter change us.
From a simple car or metro ride to a trip abroad, to room in our homes, or the local cafe all become part of our world, how our surroundings are a tapestry and if we pay attention to the things these places and these moments tell us, we begin to understand things that are universal, that transcend our locality, essentially what it means to be human. Sans email, sans cell phone. Try it and see what is there, the things you miss when you remove the protective guise of technology and become more in tune with what is.

Home Sweet Home

So, I just moved into my new apartment--has a washer/dryer and is more than one room! Tonight my good friend Janeil is coming over so I get to test my new oven out. The chicken is marinating in my new fridge and yesterday I stocked up on groceries so I get get back to feeding Ramona properly. I don't have internet hooked up so I apologize for my irregularity. Tonight's menu includes:

Rosemary balsamic chicken
bruchetta with heirloom tomatoes
salad of field greens

I'm so sick of pizza and eating out. The apartment is scented with fresh basil and hyacinth that Ramona stole from Whole Foods. We're still bad asses!

Last Night's Burlesque

For those of you not there, here's a peep show:

http://burlesquepoetryhour.blogspot.com/2006/03/dustin-shafer-henry-and-gina-take-it.html

Packing (also Unpacking)

I'm in the middle of these things, of unearthing these reminders of myself. The places I've been, the people who mattered to me then and now, old letters, old photographs, the treasures and the junk. Of sorting through what to take with me and what to throw out, what stays in the archive and what will be lost or what has already been lost.

Right now I'm listening to Kasey Chambers. I think Jillian was the one who got me into her. It was over a trip to Lancaster County visiting her family. I found those pictures too. "If I'm not here in the morning...I'll learn to live in a new town, but my heart is staying here..." a random lyric. This morning one of my former students emailed me---she was only in my class for a few weeks before getting sick and having to head back home--she's reading the class books and writing. I found Maj's letter, the one that says: "I don't know much about the big city. I decided long ago that I would stay in one place and make a garden, nothing big, no ambitions for expansion. I would come to know that ground as intimately as I could, never think of it as mine and serve the work." I think of all the moving and cultivating. All the gardens we tend and then pass on to the next gardeners. I like the idea of working and leaving. John is leaving me one of his plants that won't make the move with him. My new place has places to hang hanging plants outside my door. I'm really excited about that. The more I think about it, the more I like adjuncting and bartending. It's really good for now and maybe it will be enough for a while. All I can do is what I can do. We all can.

Last night Jonathan said something that made me think: humans are not meant for the state of the world as it is---how life is full of frenzy that it hasn't been before---with all the work and technology. The emphasis on the now. He's been spending a lot of time in the office and wondering the worth of that kind of life, of 12 hour work days. I don't know. Maybe it's always been this way, maybe all "modern" societies seem too modern and we all think of the past as utopia. I think back to Maj, that simple philosophy of not being overly ambitious, of tending a small plot and planting roots that are strong enough for others to carry the seeds of your labor and replant them in their far away soil. Maj closed his letter saying Shine Shine Carly. The afternoon light comes quietly through my blinds. It is glorious.

Now you get to smile pretty for the camera

For those of you attending Burlesque on Monday -- wear something pretty. A photographer from The Washingtonian will be there taking pictures for an upcoming article on the DC literary scene.

The Real P

I’m still not 100% happy with the pictures. Luckily I have an artist friend who has some free time to drive down from Youngstown and take some photos. Last night at dinner I got some great advice from fellow poets. It’s your book, you have to be happy with it. Don’t feel like you have to do anything any way but yours. The popular photo is the last one, but I’m not thrilled with it. I think I can do better. And since I will probably have a lot of books around, I want to make sure I’m stunning. As Reb says, you won’t always be hot. Act now. And it will mean more knowing that Billy took the pictures---he’s going to be a famous artist one day and I’ll be able to say I knew him when we were just kids who talked big in a loft that no longer exists in Youngstown.

Last night we (see the No Tell in Church post) all read sexy poems in church and said words that don’t usually get said in church. My word was pussy. And I know people are cringing now, just that I said it, wrote it, and used it in a poem. My mom said that wasn’t one of her favorites. My father would say it’s not what a professional poet would do. And while I agree most of the time that one should use tact and think of her reputation, I think about what would happen if we stopped writing what was real to us and if we always thought of the censor before the writing. What I learned from a panel of erotic and sexual writing at AWP was that sex is real and it should be talked about and written about. No, I’m not going to start writing sex poems or sex scenes and certainly not here---I am a nice Jewish girl after all, though one who feels comfortable saying the p word every once in a while. Though not too much. Notice the P and not the word here J. Some of my favorite lines from my students’ work are peppered with these words: when making love turns to fucking, I ask (blank) if she’s been S-L-U-Tin’ it up, (blank) drinks a 40 and (blank) writes a poem. It’s empowering to be able to say these things and it makes writing (and life) real.

After the reading, I was too hot and bothered to do work so I watched a whole bunch of #1 Single starring Lisa Loeb who everyone says I look like: she still rocks pigtails at 37 and so I know I can still get away with it. Today I’m going to wear them to yoga and the orthodontist. And I’m not going to care how old people think I am or if I’m acting my age. Today I’m keepin’ it real.

Why is This Night Different than Tuesday Night?

Virtual Haggadah: Poetry Workshop
Wednesday, March 22, 7:30-9:00 pm
$10, $7 Discounted Member Price
Instructor: Carly Sachs

Let the work of the artists exhibited in the Gallery spark your own creative writing! In a guided workshop, respond to the art in your own words. There will be an opportunity to share your poem at a reading in April (see below).

Carly Sachs is a creative writing professor at George Washington University.

Virtual Haggadah: Poetry Reading with Josh Weiner, Jane Shore, and Faye Moskowitz
Monday, April 17, 6:30 pm FREE
Hear original poetry based upon the artwork of the “Different Nights” exhibit echoing through the Gallery. Enjoy wine and cheese before the Screening Room.

for more info: http://dcjcc.org/arts/literature/

No Tell at Church

Yes, this is 100% Kosher!!!

Tuesday, March 21 at 7:30 p.m.
Grace Church Poetry Coffeehouse, 1041 Wisconsin Avenue, NW,
Washington, DC

Readers include:

Kim Roberts is the author of a book of poems, The Wishbone Galaxy, and editor of Beltway Poetry Quarterly, an on-line journal and resource bank serving the greater Washington DC region (http://washingtonart.com/beltway.html). She has published poems in the US, Brazil, Canada, Ireland, and France, in journals beginning with every letter of the alphabet. She has been a writer in residence at ten artist colonies.

Remica L. Bingham, a native of Phoenix, Arizona, received her Master of Fine Arts degree in Writing and Literature from Bennington College. She has attended the Callaloo Creative Writing Workshops and is a Cave Canem fellow. She recently completed her first book of poetry entitled Conversion. In addition to other journals, her work has been featured in 5 AM, PMS, Crab Orchard Review, Gulf Coast and is forthcoming in Essence. She is the recipient of the 2005 Hughes, Diop, Knight Poetry Award and was nominated for a 2006 Pushcart Prize. She is the Writing Competency Coordinator at Norfolk State University in Norfolk, Virginia.

Maureen Thorson's poems have appeared or are forthcoming in The Hat, LIT, and Unpleasant Event Schedule. Her chapbook, Novelty Act, is available from Ugly Duckling Presse.

Christy J. Zink is an assistant professor of writing at The George Washington University. Her work has appeared in such publications as American Literary Review, The Gettysburg Review, The Spoon River Poetry Review, and The Washington Post. She has received fellowships from the DC Commission on the Arts and Humanities and the Virginia Center for Creative Arts.

Carly Sachs teaches creative writing at George Washington University. Her first book of poems, the steam sequence will be published by the Washington Writers Publishing House in Fall 2006. With Reb Livingston, she curates the Burlesque Poetry Hour at Bar Rouge in Washington, DC.

Ravi Shankar, founding editor of the international journal of the arts Drunken Boat and poet-in-residence at Central Connecticut State, has published a book of poems, Instrumentality (Cherry Grove), named a finalist for the 2005 Connecticut Book Awards. He has appeared as a commentator on NPR, written poems, reviews and essays for such publications as The Paris Review, Fulcrum and Poets & Writers, and read his work in many places, including the Asia Society and the National Arts Club. Along with Tina Chang and Nathalie Handal, he is currently editing an anthology of contemporary Arab and Asian poetry.

Reb Livingston is the co-editor of No Tell Motel and the anthology The Bedside Guide to No Tell Motel. Her online chapbook, Pterodactyls Soar Again, is forthcoming from the Whole Coconut Chapbook Series. Her poems have recently appeared or will soon in Best American Poetry 2006, Coconut and MiPOesias.

I'm So Vain

Afterall, I was named after Carly Simon...so I was gone for 10 days and all I have are pictures of myself (book jacket photo). One of the reasons is that we took all the vacation pics on Jonathan's camera and that's sans present at the moment. Besides, do you really want to see cacti up close and personal? So friends and family, another plea to help me find the right look for the book:

Bye Bye Blog for 10 Days!!!

It's difficult being gracious. Last night I was able to get things back into perspective. Chris Abani read from his poetry and prose and I was shook---to the core. He read a poem about a jazz singer singing only to you and somehow last night, I kind of felt that, not that he was reading only to me, but he was reading to individuals, not a collective audience. There was an intimacy and a closeness. It was one of those eye opening readings in which you realize or re-realize why you write, why you have chosen this vocation. I seriously urge you all to google him and discover what I can't possibly convey here.

I guess what I mean about gracious is more being contented, of breathing in the moment, and those of you who know me well, know that I am a horrible Buddhist. I try and fail, frustrate and fluster until I gasp. Last night I listened to Jonathan breathe while asleep, my hand across his side. And I fell back asleep to that rhythm--I needed reminded that it is as simple as breath, one foot in front of the other, take in each moment. He is teaching me the joys of imperfection--of crumbs on the table, clothes haphazard on the floor, of not worrying about the unmades and undones. For the first time in a while I wrote a poem using the word I (meaning myself), and a poem in which he made an appearance. And just last week I had told my students that I hadn't written a love poem in a long time. It's far from perfect and probably a bit sappy, but it was necessary.

Today the apartment has been cleaned by my lovely cleaning lady and smells of oranges! I went to the Mustard Seed and came back with some new duds for Austin and Arizona (all gift certificates and selling back my vintage discards)! And now packing and yoga at 5:15! So this will be my last post before vacation. Make sure you check out the pics of the Alimentum reading from a while back. I'm posting the one of me reading b/c I'm quite a humble ham. Ramona likes the flowers in my hair and she's also looking forward to an adventure out west!

Betsey Johnson meets the Pleasure Place

So the same woman who sold me my fancy Betsey Johnson dress also sold me a garter made of candy at the Pleasure Place. Relax, It's for Reb's pajama party at AWP! I mean I have to do better than that tie thing from over the summer. This got me thinking to the duality of the human nature, those sweet contrasts and conflicts, the opposites and unexpecteds. From fancy formal to funky fettish. How do we make sense of these rhythms. Today in class we read Paul Celan's Death Fugue and Alice Fulton's Everyone Knows the World is Ending. I asked my students how we make sense of "black milk" of the human mind, of death, of the Holocaust. How repetition moves us through a narrative. The way when we encounter the same thing, how it has evolved and changed. How do we explain something beyond our comprehension? I'm still grappling with these questions---though I wonder if a mystery is sometimes better left unsolved.

Belated Belly B-Day

This picture is also posted on the Marrakesh site: Marrakesh.us. It's funnier there b/c everyone else has some destination---but us, we're the odd literati :). Also in case you wondered how to spell Raydiance...unless Iyviampe, is another code for something. I'm beginning to worry about this girl. Who now has 3 names I'm aware of. And yes, there were men at my party, but apparently Marrakesh believes only females make literature pleasant...don't you agree?

The Swoon, Morning After...

Do I look like I'm swooning?

I am...Burlesque poetry was a hit last night. Click on the Burlesque link for more pics of hot poets reading hot poems. And hot people listening to hot poets reading hot poems.

Poets Going to the Dogs!!!

Javie says check out www.burlesquepoetryhour.blogspot.com. He won't be there but Gilda and Lolita will!

Sunday School

I can't get the music of Yoshie Fruchter out of my head (www.yoshiefruchter.com). Last night opened for the band with some poems. The whole evening reminded me of college. There was a chuch near campus that had an open mic where my friend Erin played piano and sang, and I read poems, and we all gathered around the candlelight on couches and just listened and felt together. It's not often there are places like this, where we can just slip into our hearts. Jonathan held my hand and my friend Karen was on my left and we whispered memory to each other. How we were in this room, in other rooms, in Deborah's house watching the woodburning stove and the cats spoon (I had written a poem about this, but alas, it is only in Karen's memory) I spent almost the entire night in my journal, so much that someone thought that I was reviewing the event and so this is my review I suppose. I tried to explain that I was writing poetry, but how to say words were birthing words, that the touch and breath of others took root somewhere inside. This is how I used to write. Ravenous and inspired. It felt good to go back to that space, something about the dark, about the flickering of candles, of song.

How words make other words. How going back to the Bible doesn't feel like going back. I think about how modern human emotion is...perhaps why Shakespeare lasts...but this is something else. Something about connections, of bridging the gap between the self and other. How when we try to write/sing in someone else's voice, we come as close as we can to loving the other as self. If only governments could try this, if only the people of South Dakota could. If only, we all could taste each other's song. How many voices would then harmonize. Yoshie sings, "Wake up Jacob..." and I can't help but hope this will open our eyes...

How Could I Not Take This One Home?

How I Spent My President's Day Blog

Went to the gym, got my photos scanned for the book cover and as usual am having trouble making a decision so I’m going to post the images. Visited two coffee shops in the neighborhood (Sirius and Foster Bros.), read some poems and the style section of the Post (J’s helping me become more in tune with the daily news), found a beautiful dress and shoes for J’s Prom (which Suzy argues, I bought the dress b/c of the shoes---damn skippy, and hopefully I’ll be able to find a picture of the shoes so I can show them off). Then made dinner and cupcakes and watched the L word.

A constant, underware and all

The other day J and I watched The Constant Gardener. I ended up in tears, crying for I’m not sure what---for being so far removed from world events, that we were curled up on his couch, safe, for not having done the Peace Corps, for not sticking it out in the Bronx, for not feeling like anything was enough, for feeling and not doing---He said he wouldn’t have been able to do something like that, and I don’t think honestly I would be either. I couldn’t pinpoint my tears or know exactly what it was that was so upsetting.

This morning we watched Olympic Hockey and we’ll go to the mall later---back to our overt American culture. How good we all have it. When I was a teenager, I used to have that how can we sit here and eat in fancy restaurants when people are starving angst. While that youthful idealism hasn’t vanished, I often wonder if anything we do is enough? J always tells me a lowball what I do, that I don’t focus on all the good that I do enough, but rather I focus on what I don’t do or can’t do. Maybe that’s only child syndrome, never feeling like there is enough you can have/do etc. I still haven’t given up my notion that I am really a superhero and that I will single-handedly change the world---albeit one poem or one cocktail at a time. I guess the one thing we can learn is that we should constantly be concerned with the struggle (any struggle) and constantly try to do more good than evil and to constantly try to celebrate those small dents we make, that we really are tipping the scales towards something higher, something more beautiful, a world that is good and pure.

And yes, I will purchase undergarments using my birthday Victoria’s Secret gift card probably made by cheap foreign labor that has probably exploited someone or something, but I will wear them and think of the thoughtfulness of someone who wanted to get something nice for me, someone who wanted me to feel beautiful no matter what. And like I teach my students, there is always a contrast/conflict in anything---beauty, love, truth and good writing lets us see something for all that it is. And it is by opening our eyes to that, that we become more enlightened and aware of the world, as it is, and as we want it to be.

No Bellies Just Yet

In four more days you will actually be able to see photos of the infamous bday bellydancing bash. We filled ours, but no one shook theirs. I got this really cool certificate written in Arabic which I will hang in my office and try to pass it off as a degree in Middle Eastern Literature. Tenure track, here I come!

The new issue of Runes Review came yesterday along with plenty of birthday cards and well wishes. Funny, my horoscope predicted all of that, that people would get in touch and that I would realize how many people's lives I've touched. My students have been writing about the humanity within us all---that universal connectedness we feel to each other. I think poetry is a forum that opens our eyes to opening our hearts and minds to others. One student wrote in one of her poems that Creative Writing was her favorite class. That really makes me smile b/c I've felt off this semester. Perhaps due to the Monday Friday schedule. People are still recovering from their weekends and then by Friday they have already started them. Funny, last week we wrote about time...Nonetheless, I'm impressed at the talent I have and I frequently tell people who ask about my teaching how wonderful my students are. And I'm getting back to that elated feeling of doing something that really matters. Sometimes I question the importance of language--does it resonate for others as much as it does for me and how can/does writing change the world. As I get older, I don't want to lose my optimism. Today one of my students wrote a poem in which one of the images was a child walking on the beach, falling, and getting back up and the sheer joy in that. How simple and exquisite to get so much pleasure from the body--how something simple can keep us entertained. It makes me want to grab an ice cream cone and sit outside before I meet J for our tryst at Indebleu. I've been in this office all day...

except to get a sandwich. I really dig avocados on sandwiches. And I really dig how much everyone did for my birthday. I've felt quite a bit of love lately and I want to thank you all for being there, sending cards, picking out presents, sending love and good wishes. The older you get (ha ha, upper 20's, eat that), the more you realize what really matters. Do something that touches someone else this weekend. Seek meaning in the simple. The sky is lighter, the clouds roll past the windows of Rome hall and for a minute I took it all in before heading back to my office to breathe and to find the language like the last beams of afternoon light, before night falls on this sleepy town.

Count Me In

1. This week is my birthday week. Funny, I don’t feel older or wiser and it doesn’t seem to resonate as much as birthdays used to. Perhaps all this yoga is teaching me not to put too much weight on any one particular thing. Same thing with the book. I’m excited (about both) but it doesn’t seem to be a self consuming thing. Or maybe I have too many things that I’m doing for one thing to matter so much. I guess I have lots of eggs and lots of baskets, and lots of cracked eggs. J only has a slightly cracked nose from couple’s yoga today. Apparently two klutzes doing balancing postures doesn’t go along with the two heads are better than one theory…lucky, he’s learned to let go and not get too preoccupied with holding on to grudges or my feet during handstands. We tumbled quite a bit today together and there is no one I laugh with more. I don’t even mind his computer that seems to be the cause of the invisible typing. I figured out a way to beat the system---type in word and then paste.

2. They’ve been reading a lot of Rumi to us in yoga and I have suggested Rumi to my students. There is something ancient and timeless, something that always makes you feel good when you read Rumi. Almost like prayer, though not as stagnant as the responsive reading in the prayer books---but there are some really good ones and tomorrow at the JCC I’ll be teaching a writing workshop based on Yitro. What I find really interesting about that is the contrasting images---how G-d can be both described as delicate and holding a mountain over people’s heads and threatening to drop it on them if they don’t listen. Talk about manic. Though I suppose we all have our ying and yang. Mine is that I like violent video games---not the shooting ones, but the ones like Mortal Combat where your body is the weapon. Where you can pick someone up and throw them across the room and watch them bleed. Namaste bitch! I guess there are some very base traits we humans have and we need to find a way to let them out.

3. Last night the swingers were back in the bar. Le Rouge est tres chaud et manage a trios eh? Apparently they like the drinks, c’est non? C’est moi? Je ne sais pas…

4. And here is my ISBN number for the book. Like the birthday it doesn’t feel quite real yet. 0-931846-81-1

The Top Secret Post

Well, I feel like I have one of those invisible ink pens or something. But I type in this box and I can't see anything so I guess this will teach me to be a more accurate typist or to be less mindful of common grammar rules. This is the what is according to my new yoga wisdom, that we should be mindful and embrace what is, because life is so uncontrollable and when we try to control that which is beyond our control, we get stressed out. So here I am in the now typing who knows what. This reminds me of Jack Spicer thinking some of his pomes were transmitted to him via outerspace aliens. How do we explain where our inspriations come from? Usually mine are rooted in something physical and tanggible, a painting, or the less so with a moment, a feeling. We jst started workshopping in class and it's wonderful to see people really connect about what they are feeling and thinking and how to explain this mystical craft, sort of like these random letters that I am hitting here. But it all begins someewhere, here where I'm trying to punch out something readable and insightful...to be continued. In blind faith, Carly.

For some reason my typing is invisible and I can't see what I'm writing here...

What I'm Reading

I just started reading Anne Michaels' Fugitive Pieces. MB recommended it to me last week as we were talking about fiction and how narratives can be constructed. And to look at it as a guide to how to work my own novel/short stories. Lately I've been really into structure and form, how to do convey subject matter through form. Perhaps too many philosophy and art classes about the relationship between form and content. I think it's quite important to think about it--I tell that to my students. How does what you're writing about feel like and how does that translate to the page? Michaels uses fragmented prose--non-linear and tangental, mirroring the way the mind moves. Writing that needs to be read and re-read. While reading through poems for the anthology, I've come across many poems that are fragmented and where language is cut and then re-strung together. That's how I would describe my poem in BAP. There are some things that we can't talk about or things where language seems to fail. How do you mirror that in a narrative? Michaels asks us how does a child speak of watching his family being killed by the Nazis. How does that child speak of hiding in the forests? How does that child speak of his memories? I suppose I'm drawn to difficult narratives, ones that challenge us to work with the text, when there is just as much unsaid as said. It's these contrasts and tensions that make writing (and life) the most interesting and rewarding.

A Sickly Post

I hate being sick. And I hate that I hate being sick. And I hate that I'm having trouble being sick. And I hate that I have to blog about it to clear my head. I should be relaxing and focusing on resting and feeling better but I'm thinking about what I have to do and what should have been done if I wasn't sick. Perhaps I'm a work-a-holic. I know being busy makes me happy. I always feel like I have to be doing something. Maybe that comes from being an only child or an overachiever...where did all this come from? And why am I suddenly vomitting up all my thoughts. People have told me I'm always looking for the next step---grad school, jobs, poems, publishing, opportunities, etc...I'm not saying this is all bad b/c it's good to have goals and to strive, but when does striving lead to strife? I have a difficult time saying no to picking up shifts at the bar and I always want to help other people out and do as much as I can, but I'm beginning to realize that not everyone is the same way.

So here is what I am trying to celebrate today because I think I'm afraid of failure and mediocrity and essentially not being liked or thought to be successful, wonderful, etc. I'm trying not to think that my world is crashing down just b/c I'm sick and not able to do what I should be doing for a day or so, because really it isn't. I'm just a drama queen:

1. My friend who lives upstairs who lent me some DVDs (so I can not think anymore)
2. My girlfriends who listened to me vent today on the phone
3. J for picking up poems for me and bringing bananas and playing shrink with me
4. Reb and all the poetry people who are burlesquing tonight without me (yes, the show goes on...)
5. LS for a great blurb who found time in her schedule to think about my poems
6. My cousin Evan Offstein for getting in touch---a long lost cousin turns up again in the DC area...how much family do I have? I'm really excited to meet him and his family.
7. It was a beautiful day in DC and it was nice to open the window and let some fresh air in. Hopefully some lingered and will leave me with fresher, more spring-like thoughts.

What's New, Nous?

Today my students handed in their first poems and I'm excited. There are some gems in the batch and I ended up with a pretty solid draft from today's writing exercise: writing from a photograph. I'm going to be heading over to Firefly for cocktail and to read the new poems while they're still buzzing from my folders and to wait for J before our dinner reservation. Tonight is Nora and Tuck and Patti: http://www.noras.com/

http://www.tuckandpatti.com/

And here's what I'll be doing at the JCC in the next few months:

http://www.dcjcc.org/arts/literature/

RAINN on your Valentine's Day

My birthday is always around Valentine's Day and there's so much cliche circulated then. Here's something meaningful to give:

http://www.rainn.org/donate/valentines-2006.php

Madame Bovary, C'est Moi or Non?

I spent a good chunk of the afternoon reading Madame Bovary and watching Sex and the City (not simultaneously). So it got me thinking about women and what we really want and what it really means to be a woman and if that is even a worthy question to ask. Though women's lit professors will I'm sure spend much of their careers lamenting over these questions, and it was my women's lit. professor in college who really inspired me to be an English major...I remember debating the linguistics of the word woman, how the word man was part of it. And then we threw out other words, girl (too diminishing), female (same issue as woman), etc. and then played with subverting the text womyn (but that just looks weird and though doesn't have man in it, still sounds the same). So getting back to Bovary, though I'm only a little over a 100 pages into it, how she yearns for "somthing"---something perhaps beyond her reach, she's looking for a way to become more of herself---whether through material luxuries, books, horseback riding, housekeeping, religion, passion and nothing seems to live up to her expectations. So she walks around her house feeling aloof and unsatiated by anything or works herself into a frenzy over any new thing, only to discard it when it fails to live up to her expectations. Perhaps I see a bit of myself in her. It is dangerous indeed to be Madame Bovary, when the love of wanting is your raison d'etre, because there will always be wanting, more so than having, for a love of having will always end up sating you in some way. So how does one find one's own happiness? I suppose there are plenty of self help books for that, try yoga, changing your attitude, taking time to smell the flowers and love those around you. But exactly how does one do that? There are so many heroines in literature who are not happy--many who end up taking their lives because there is no way for them to carve a life for themselves. And myself, lately (besides being a little under the weather) have been brimming with excitement: the book, the teaching, the bartending, the boyfriend, the ira i just opened (see women's lit. taught me how to take care of myself). I feel almost too sunny--perhaps the karma of being slightly under the weather and a day of relaxing at home is my reward for all of this. Poor Mrs. Bovary, and the society that prohibited her from being in more control over her destiny. And how everyone calls her that instead of her name which is Emma---ah even the patriarchy of naming. I remember tossing that word around so much too. Blame it on the patriarchy, which would have been a catchy Weird Al song, if only he had gotten in touch with his feminine side.

Cupcakes at Your Door

So I have a moderate obsession. My vegan bud just sent me a link about cupcakes (he was the one bringing them back to me from NYC to the mountains of PA 2 summers ago). So the article rates the best cupcake in DC as Le Cupcake...and I think they deliver. I'm sure they'll be a trip to Falls Church in the near near future. Ramona is all about the road trip. So what do I want for my birthday: cupcakes delivered! And it would be grand to have 2 dozen sent to me at GW on the days I teach. I mean if Stevens can pull of the Emperor of Ice Cream, I can certainly manage the Mistress of Cupcake!

http://www.dailycandy.com/article.jsp?ArticleId=24051&city=11

Rome 669

That's my office which now has a working computer and I have hung the butterfly mobile and met my office mate today (a fiction writer who also teaches intro.). I have this big window between classes so hopefully I'll be more productive than today. I ate a sandwich, took my sick phone to verizon, walked back to the office then walked back to verizon and back to the office and will be teaching in a few minutes. I guess I can not feel bad that I didn't get up to workout this morning before teaching. The office looks more like an office. I'm gadually hanging things and trying to make it look nice, as I'll be spending a considerable amount of time in it. The phone is better and I started writing a poem with my students today. It begins: This is the skin and bones of it.

It seems like a fitting beginning as so much is going on here with the book/life. I'm thinking I don't know after all that hubbub of the photo shoot if I even want my photo on my book. I think I may prefer not to be "seen." I look young and it may cause people not to take the book/me seriously.

This one's a keeper

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."--Scott Adams, American cartoonist

Yesterday I spent much of the afternoon on the phone with my "crush" talking about my book. I now understand the manuscript more as a whole and have come to some solid conclusions about what I do and don't want for the book. I don't want any suggestive photos on the cover---no nudity or allusion thereof. I want it to be a woman fully clothed and dressed in 1940's apparel. I want it to be someone I know, my grandma when she was younger (mom, see if you can snag some and send). Though I have some here. I hope our layout man has a good scanner. But more than the look, I think I really know what the poems are doing---not that I didn't before but sometimes the answers just reveal themselves. I suppose this is a cop out answer, that your subconscious knows what you are doing before you are really aware of it. Regardless, I'm getting more and more excited about the book. It's also the beginning of the semester and I finally got around to making my office look presentable and hung the butterflies above my desk. Apparently students still don't think I look old enough to be a professor as they look quizically at me and ask "do you know where I can find Professor Sachs?". Perhaps I should start saying no and then see if they pop up to class confused? But no, I don't think poetry should be so mean. I suppose they'll just have to keep me.

P.S. check out the burlesque!

Make Up and Make Out

This morning I got out of bed early to be at Sephora as soon as possible. They opened at 10 and I had a gift certificate from my mom for the holidays that was burning a hole in my purse. So sans make-up, I went to get a new face. Since New Year's I've been wearing more shadow and mascara b/c of the glammed up look of Red at the bar. What I really love is that they teach you how to get the look you want (though that probably comes at any higher end cosmetic store.) But this was more fun than the trips to the Clinique counter at the mall. So, I found a new fun brand: Stila who not only has sparkles and color, but also quotes inside the compact. I've got shadow with Louisa May Alcott and blush with Amelia Earhart. Check it out for yourself here:

http://www.sephora.com/browse/brand_hierarchy.jhtml?brandId=3865&contentId=C10757

Perhaps there could be some poet market-ability there?

Pondering in Down Dog

Lately I've been feeling a little strange. Perhaps b/c it's a new year and I should have many resolutions---though for us Jews, we already made them so these resolutions are kind of a let down. My yoga teacher had some wisdom for the day, to remember why you came to the mat, and to dedicate your practice. I really like the idea of stopping to center yourself (seems pretty basic, but lately I've not felt overly centered)---especially b/c I always feel like I'm all over the place. There is always some project or another. So here's my list of what I'm working on:

1. Edits and other tasks related to the steam sequence (My fabulous co-worker "Red" is going to choreograph a dance---ah, the possibilities, how I love projects)
2. Getting ready for the semester
3. Working on the deep cleveland anthology
4. Working on Ramona and the museum manuscript and my fiction

I'm writing these more for me, because I have really felt like a slacker this break---going to the gym and sleeping in more and having adventures with Caroline. Though I think this is what breaks are for. You get a break so you don't break. Namaste.

Romance from High Altitudes

It seems that it's pretty common to write about home when you are away from home--perhaps the distance gives you time to reflect. Perhaps it is the way the mind works, that we can't keep up with the moments as we're living them. I don't normally post poems (I think it's a bit too much) and I try not to write poems aboout people I'm dating for various reasons, but the mood struck me as I was sitting on the plane flying home to Ohio. The sun was coming in through the window and I was looking out at the clouds--it almost looked like the ocean and this little poem found it's way to the page. And really, who doesn't want to induldge in a little romance every now and again, even if it is cliche.

This is what it is like to love you
to feel the sun on my face through my window
and to think only of you

Artsy-Fartsy

Another fab. event at Rouge tomorrow:

Collageology Tour: The works of Amber Robles-Gordon"Collageology - My study of collage, art and my life. I breathe, create and live art."
The show will be at Bar Rouge Lounge, located at 1315 16th Street NW
Washington, DC 20036 from January 4 - February 16, 2006. There will be an opening reception held on Wednesday January 4, 2006 from 6:00-8:30pm.

Amber is a collagist. From an early age, she began creating collages, drawings, writings and photography, to document her passion for art, personal experiences and her surroundings. She focuses on topics such as womanhood, nature and her life. Collageology consists of two different series of works. The first series are surface. The second series are "paper mosaics," her technique consists of first sketching the idea and form, then ripping little pieces of different colored paper to complete the form or design. She uses the colored paper asher paint. Amber is greatly influenced by the work of Alma Thomas, Romare Bearden and Diego Rivera. She is currently pursing a Masters Degree in Fine Art atHoward University. Amber is a member of DC Black Artists and a featured artist at www.artndeed.com. For further information about this artist, please visit www.artndeed.com, email her at aroblesgordon@yahoo.com. or contact her via phone at(240)-417-4888.

Some Wicked Poems!!!

http://www.sundress.net/wickedalice/contents18.html

(and some are mine). Sometimes this blog feels like show and tell.
So much for being discreet in 2006!

Forget resolutions and kick off the New Year with Some Sexy Poems

That's right, the No Tell Motel Bedside Guide to Poetry is hot off the presses! Click here for your copy now:

http://www.lulu.com/content/203235

Did I mention my "pussy" poem is in it. Remember, keep it discreet. No one likes full disclosure so I will only disclose our names...

Featuring Discretion By:Aaron Anstett * Molly Arden * Robert W. Barnett * Aaron Belz * Jasper Bernes * Remica L. Bingham * Anne Boyer * Elizabeth Bradfield * Gayle Brandeis * Suzanne Burns * Britton Carducci * Laura Carter * Shanna Compton * Bruce Covey * Matt Cox * Laura Cronk * Catherine Daly * Denise Duhamel * Peg Duthie * Jilly Dybka * Jill Alexander Essbaum * Marta Ferguson * Alice B. Fogel * Jeannine Hall Gailey * Amy Gerstler * Jim Goar * Noah Eli Gordon * Anne Gorrick * Carolyn Guinzio * Jennifer Michael Hecht * Shafer Hall * Michael Hoerman * Cynthia Huntington * Charles Jensen * Paul Jones * Kirsten Kaschock * Amy King * Craig Kirchner * David Laskowski * Dorothee Lang * Ann Neuser Lederer * Reb Livingston * Emily Lloyd * Rebecca Loudon * Oliver Luker * Tatjana Lukic * Clay Matthews * Corey Mesler * Charlton Metcalf * Michael Meyerhofer * Andrew Mister * Steve Mueske * Anita Naegeli * William Orem * Eden Osucha * Shin Yu Pai * Cami Park * Karl Parker * Dan Pinkerton * Lance Phillips * P.F. Potvin * Nate Pritts * Francis Raven * Kim Roberts * Anthony Robinson * Ken Rumble * Jenni Russell * Carly Sachs * Christopher Salerno * Standard Schaefer * Zachary Schomburg * Penelope Scambly Schott * Ravi Shankar * Brandon Shimoda * Matthew Shindell * Laurel Snyder * Heidi Lynn Staples * Hugh Steinberg * Matthew Thorburn * Aaron Tieger * Maureen Thorson * Betsy Wheeler * Allyssa Wolf * Christy Zink

I'm a Super Model

Ok, well not exactly, but my very talented friend, the amazing John Kenney agreed to be my photographer for my picture on the back of the book. So we shimmied down to Adam's Morgan to have a photo shoot--which consisted of me bringing a few shirts in a bag and taking pictures wherever we were inspired. We began in Idle Time books and then decided that we liked natural light better. After about an hour and a hundred pictures later, we went back and viewed all the digital prints (welcome to the world of technology) and ended up with these four as our favorites. And now, it's time for a vote, so lovely fivefeet readers, chime in. Which pic is the best for the back of the book?

un cheers to certain conference goers

This will be my first rant. There are a certain group of people in town who are here for an academic conference and had some cocktails in the bar (note: some attendees excluded here, this is a generalization based on the overall tip income this evening). Perhaps the ivory tower has you so far removed from life that you forget that people work for wages. Tipping ten percent is not appropriate behavior. I don't care if you are post modern or new formalist--there are industry standards. 20% is what you should tip...at least 15%. You tip 10% if you receive sub-par service. I know that there isn't any money in academia (I'm in the industry as well...which is why bartending is the main source of cash flow.) But employees who receive tips usually do not make a sufficient wage, i.e. the tip is their wage. Don't act like I'm telling you something new. If you can afford to come to the conference, stay in a swanky hotel (especially if it's on your university's dime) you can afford to tip 20% on a $40 tab. It's the difference of $4. I suppose I can take solace in the fact that I'll be the one writing the literature while you're still teaching comp.

le Rouge Cheers

One of our signature drinks (2nd from right) was on the back page of yesterday's Washington Post---the Cherry Sparkler (formerly the Cherry Popper until censorship went into effect). Either way, you should come to the Rouge for some sparkle pop action tonight or on New Year's Eve. There will be a DJ and fun Rouge party favors! Do let me know so I can make you feel like a VIP if you're coming on New Year's. And here's the link to the story to entice you:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/12/27/AR2005122700204.html

My fabulous manager Mike Hill is even quoted on page 3!

Coming Clean and Organizing

Today I got my teeth cleaned and cleaned my closet. No cavities and everything in color order. I realized I had twice as many hangers as I had clothes! I also got a shoe organizer so no more boxes and hunting in the back of the closet for the stray heel. However, some of my shoes are still too clunky for the hanging rack. Ah, the wild ones, they will not be contained. There is something to be said for being too loud, too wild, too brazen. Many people want to put you in neat little compartments, but I say rock on with yourselves pink Steve Madden mary janes and orange Mephisto all rounders. Walk loudly and don't care about the downstairs neighbors (lucky me, I'm on the first floor.)

Lately I've been thinking about shame and letting other people's opinions color how you feel about yourself. Most often we do this in relationships and many women often put the relationship before themselves. When you have to bend too much, it just isn't worth it. Then there are times when you should bend. It's all about balance, as I was reading in the latest issue of Latina at the dentist's office. The editor wrote about the importance of this for someone living in two cultures--how to deal with when American and Hispanic values clash and how to feel good about the choices you make. I think many of us often find our values and beliefs and various identities clashing. (A good topic for fiction, yes, even on break, I think of how every moment is a teaching one).

Caroline called and had lunch at Arucola--love being ladies who lunch. She shares my passion for passion. And my passion for the Mustard Seed (confirming a previous post about white chocolate, but then does that make her an oreo?). I think about the places in which we find comfort and find excitement in the ordinary. There are some people that grow with you. Caroline's one of them. I know she's going to be there through all this book business with me (in fact, working on some art for the cover) and tomorrow rocker/photographer/bartender JK is going to shoot some pics that may wind up on the back. Good thing I got all those new clothes from J's Hanukkah gift certificate and yeah me for organizing so I can find everything in a snap. And big Kool-aide grin b/c J knows what I like---he asked me to go to the open mic at Busboy's and Poet's tonight.

Where I Shop

As many of you know, I'm a bit of a fashion butterfly. Here's my favorite place to polinate the closet.

http://www.mustardseedshop.com/index.html

White Chocolate

Just call me white chocolate. That's what the girls from Rouge call me. Last night we had our holiday party at LOVE (a fab. club for those of you non hipsters who think love is an emotion). Apparently Love + Vodka + Dancing= White Chocolate.

While sipping on my vodka, I asked them to explain: You're white outside but black inside. Ok, hmmm, I suppose that means I'm a good dancer and I also seem to have the body of a black woman--curvy (if we're going on generalities). I asked one girl where she got her pants and I said I had seen some like it at Urban Outfitters and tried them but they didn't look right. She smirked and told me I need to come to one of her stores---they would know my curves better. Now I have always thought Black women and Jewish women had a lot in common, but fashion was not yet something I've explored.

Back in grad school, the Cave Canem readings were my favorite---because the poetry seemed like it mattered more---more narrative and rhythmic, less concerned with what makes poetry and more concerned with the self, empowering the individual while weaving a community. I remember Lucille Clifton and Sonia Sanchez staying for 2 hours afterwards to sign books and meet everyone who wanted to come up to the stage and shake their hands. I remember Sonia hugging me the way she hugged the other women and called us all sister.

I remember feeling a part of something even though it wasn't normally a community I would think would instantly feel right. Perhaps they saw something in me that was a bit dark and sweet. Though I suspect when you are genuine and real with people and let them see inside your skin, we all will be able to see a piece of ourselves in another.

In Praise of Magnolia

For those of you who know about my cupcake obsession:

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=IggTu7kV7No&search=snl%20parnell

Barternder, I'll have my gratification now

Today I'm thinking about how fast things happen. Just last night I found out one of my co-workers who now works at another property got married. She had been dating her boyfriend for not even a year (I'm only making a point about speed, no judgement here), someone else I know was in love and then broke up with her lover (the relationship lasted perhaps a month or so), and I am in the midst of something chugging along quite smoothly. Whatever happened to that little engine who could? I think I can is now, I think I can, but it has to be today. Are we really carpe diem-ing all over the place?

Technology lets us do things a mile a minute. Just secured one of my blurbers over email in like a matter of 30 minutes. What ever happened to things being worth the wait? Today I'm googling more images, though my fabulous artist friend is going to be doing some sketches for the cover. Here's us last night and more cover inspirations...I can't say that I have found what I'm looking for. Though this time, I'm content to wait.

Poetry Crush and Possible Book Covers

Baltimore is a lot funkier than DC. Yesterday I went to hear Piotr Gwiazda read at The Minas Gallery. I am so excited that he is going to be the lead editor for my book (his book, Gagarin Street, won the 2004 WWPH first book award). He's my first poetry crush in a while. I think what makes a poetry crush is honestly someone's work. When you just want to read more and more of their poems. So far my crush list is:

1. Jane Kenyon
2. Linda Pastan
3. William Stafford
4. Maj Ragain
5. Maggie Anderson
6. Honi Jeffers

Anyway, after a cozy reading in a gallery that has art and vintage clothes we had a beer at one of the most fun and divey bars--Frazier's and then dinner at the Golden West---kitch kitch! The menus are old records. A place that kind of reminds me of the Zephyr back in Kent before it turned bar.

Today I did my grades, wrestled with the dryer, and googled images for my book cover. This latter thing took a while as I still am not sure how I want my cover to look. I'm going to post a few here and please do vote or something. Keep in mind, the book is about memory, the Holocaust, and the poems are spaced out like steam...

The poet talks politics

Normally I am not a political person. I admit that I almost pride myself in not being political so I try not to read the paper or watch the news (because it's all skewd anyway and I'd much rather have my nose in a book (of fiction or poetry) ). However, as many point out, I need to live in this world and yes I agree that I need to be more up on current events. Especially in DC. You make a pretty bad conversationalist when you're like who? what? huh? Aloofness is not always endearing. Especially when it comes to matters that concern all of us. I guess that is why I was never into the news or politics. I feel so removed as if I can't make a difference. But as I'm learning from my students (who do write about politics and quite well) but more importantly say how writing has changed them and made a difference. And then I think about the power words can have. If writers aren't political in some way, that's one less way to move people into action. I began really becoming a poet back in 1996 when I was on the March of the Living--a trip that took Jewish teens to witness the concentration camps of Poland and then to Israel. This was an experience that changed my life. It was then that I became known as the bus poet and after that those poems were the portfolio that earned me a poetry scholarship at Kent State and perhaps what influenced my collection, the steam sequence. Yes, I did have to mention the book deal again---but here's the thing. People have been asking me what the book is about and I haven't formulated an answer yet, or at least one that I like, but what I will say is that it is necessary. Because there are people who will say the Holocaust never happened. Because there are people who discriminate and pursue hatred over love. It seems some lessons never do sink it. Some people do not learn or they choose not to see. That being said, please click on the link below and see what is happening in the world. Everything matters.

http://www.wiesenthal.com/site/apps/ka/ct/contactus.asp?c=fwLYKnN8LzH&b=1302079&en=ioJHLMNtF6LBJPOvF9JBJLMnEhIMIPMtEaKKLTOxGoIZH

Alimentum and Mothertongue

Are everything you want writing to be. I was in NYC this past Sunday for the launch for Alimentum. I sat next to Mark Kurlansky (author of Salt and Cod)---more food lit people then poetry people. Michol Negrin (author of Med. Grill) hosted and had a fabulous spread. With good food and wine, how could any launch not be this successful? I was even asked to sign someone's journal while waiting in line for the bathroom. What really got me was that this was my first impressive people party---everyone was literate, articulate, fashionable, and very supportive of each other. (i.e. Mark Kurlansky talking about Ramona, Youngstown, and labor strikes with me). I've often felt young and green at these functions but this was definitely not the case.

And then last night at the Mothertongue reading. Natalie is the BEST mc ever to rock a mic. She really comes alive and connects, creating a space in which everyone feels her gratitude and comfort. A place where you can say something funny, serious, indecent and be respected and embraced for it. I feel very fortunate to have met her and Sandra (two of DC's hottest younger poets). All too often we judge and often unfairly and harshly. Though yes, constructive criticism is like sun and water, I much prefer singing to the seeds to let them rise. I think of this as I am in the middle of reading my students' final portfolios, which they have attached pictures, colors, printed on maps, and handmade books, and feel lucky to see what came about in a semester. That they, like me, all have a first book, and this is the one that matters most.

Teaser

In Summary

1. found out my first book of poems will be coming out in fall 2006 from washington writer's publishing house...guess where i was when i got the phone call...the powder room of the black cat!

2. sat next to mark kurlansky at the big alimentum launch in nyc. everyone has a crush on ramona. spent 15 minutes in line for the bathroom.

3. didn't pee on the train on the way up but surprisingly the penn station bathrooms are quite clean. went on the way home.

4. lost my cell phone charger but acquired 4 magnolia cupcakes.

5. am using book deal to justify things like eating big macs at 3 am and the like.

6. will be grading portfolios and bartending and will write something decent soon. apply said book deal excuse here.

That was one HOT party...

I'm talking about our Red Hot Relief AIDS benefit at the Bar last week...and look who's on page 6. Well not exactly but there are two of me. I'm pasting them here but feel free to check out the whole gallery---plenty of hot Miss Universe and Miss DC all glammed up.

http://www.carish1.com/rouge

On Tap Magazine has also posted additional event photos online:
http://www.ontaponline.com/gallery/seen

Murphy's Law

Today, the last day of class my door is locked---and no one is in the English Department and no one knows how long security takes to let you in...in 10 minutes I found a more premium location---a field trip to the 7th floor conference room and class went on as planned only 10 minutes later. We had better lighting and someone had conveniently left celery. Though my students all opted for the brownies and donuts. It's good to start the day off with a laugh and some much needed sugar.

After class I spent office hours just chatting about life and this and that with a few of my students. I have a bag full of their portfolios to open, but I'm letting the moment linger. Today they all went around and shared their books. There are poems with pictures and colors and well lions and tigers and bears oh my---no, really, the kinds of things that they will have years from now. Who knows what it will mean then. Actually, I have been devouring Memoirs of a Geisha and finally finished reading it on J--'s duvet. I mention that here because he likes seeing his name in lights so to speak. I also left him another little surpise at home but I won't elaborate anymore on that. Please excuse me dear readers for excluding you in the previous two sentences. Normally I hate when people use inside jokes as much as I hate the end of novels. I did not feel that way after finishing MOG. Here's a snippet: "Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper." J--do take care to get the encrypted message in the quote. Everyone else can enjoy it for the sheer pleasure of the language.

Winter Tidings

It was snowing in Cleveland over the weekend and now it's snowing here in DC. There is always something magical about it, the slow suspension and twirl, the soft wetness as it falls across your face and hair. I walked in it as much as I could today. Then I also enjoyed the opposite: drinking tea and reading inside. Mostly student fiction and Memoirs of a Geisha---have to finish the book before seeing the movie.

Jillian gave me new tea and a strainer to brew it in---so now I don't have to tea bag it all the time. Also good honey--ie not the one that comes in a bear. Though I got to see everyone, it wasn't enough. Perhaps that is why the snow matters to me so much. It makes me think of walking around Kent and laughing and sloshing between classes, parties, and whatnot---or gathering in the lounge and listening to Erin play piano and we all had our mugs and sometimes roasted marshmellows in the fireplace. I think of my students who don't have this on their city campus, but then again, I think of all they have that I never did. I suppose you can't have it all. I'm trying to bring them the poetry of Kent--notecards and community poems and brownies.

The mail today brought the first and new issue of Alimentum! Click on the right to see more and the email brought news of being published in Wicked Alice and an email from deep cleveland---things are slowly rolling for the anthology, kind of like the snowflakes as they slip from heaven and melt on our faces. May you find one on your tongue and think of me.

Costco

Yesterday morning Jonathan took me to Costco. I had never been before--well, Sam's Club back in Ohio which I suppose is the same. I brought my pen and pad---Ramona had to take some notes. I have to say she was quite appalled. I mean how could she like it. It's all about greed, disguised as saving money. I mean really, who needs to buy like 6 brownie mixes in one box (actually me). Raspberry chocolate brownies abounded! I felt more selective actually, always questioning how much am I really going to use. I suppose that's a good question to ask ourselves--how much do we really want or need something. It would have been so easy just to keep grabbing. Yes, to gallons of pepto bismol, yes, to an army of trojans, yes, to a school of salmon, yes to 96 rolls of toilet paper. The coolest thing was the fruit and vegetable room. It was like a restaurant refrigerator---considerably colder and like 2 pound bags of spinach! Though I'm not sure Ramona would buy in bulk. At the end of the trip I ended up with the brownie mixes, 1 pound of frozen blueberries, sundried tomato and basil ravioli, the softest socks ever and of course the tp! I'm sure there are some greater philosophical questions at hand---is bigger better? What does this say about American values? Or are people just coming for the free samples? And is a sample going to make you want to buy a large quantity of marinated mushrooms? Dear shoppers, you will have to grapple with these issues by yourselves, though I know Victoria Redel has a poem about buying in bulk---there's a line, oh the deals Jerry, oh the deals...I think she looks on the store quite favorably, but I myself will have to give Costco no stars or chili peppers (I however, do have a chili pepper---check out ratemyprofessor.com)

Chippendale Poets

Yowzers!

"The Most Intriguing (and sensual) Male Poets of 2006 Calendar." All profits will be donated to CFIDS research. Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome is a multi-symptom immune deficiency related to the rheumatoid family. As very little research has been funded for this degenerative illness, not much progress has been made to alleviate the syndrome or its symptoms. You may find more information regarding the calendar at this website:http://www.poeticinspire.com/poetcalendar2006.html

Laundry

So yesterday I finally got around to doing my laundry and I'm waiting for the clothes to come out of the dryer and all of the sudden I hear sirens outside and then they stay there and then there's all this noise outside in the foyer so I look and there are all these firemen and then they're running down to the laundry room and I'm thinking, no my favorite jeans are in there. But it was a false alarm. Because it was so cold, the dryer was making so much smoke outside the building that someone else saw it and called 911. So I folded and everything was fine. Like my mom always tells me, things will work out, don't get so worked up. But I think it's in an artist's mind to get worked up. Life is full of things that charge us (for Suzanne, the little protons and electrons bouncing all around in my brain). The way I see into a painting, a moment, another person. Poetry has always been personal, has always been a means of connecting to others. Last Tuesday in class one of my students asked if she could host a poetry reading for only our class at her apartment/building/dorm. She was so excited and everyone else starting feeling that buzz too, that of language and community. There's a certain power, a certain electric of language. The way I am jolted when I'm reading their fiction. Laughing aloud in coffee houses, impressed with their wit and charm and especially the way they perceive structure. How original they are and how advanced. How they are experimenting with voice and language. Doing things I would not have dared or even had an inkling about. How one student wants to write a story in which the main character is a writer and you don't know if he's writing his own death, how you don't know what's real and what's fiction. How different they all are, all their dreams and styles, everything spinning and falling together. How I am waiting to fold, but not wanting any of this to end. I think back again to Maj, what he would say is that this cycle does not stop. Poetry never dries. Yes, the jeans will be warm and yes, you will feel the heat on your body, but no, even when they cool, you will have the memory of that warmth, the vertigo of the daily, no it's not just doing laundry.

Sex Deprived Tina: Hot Sestina Porn Word on Word Action!

One of my students is in love with the idea of being the tortured artist. I remember when I had a similar fantasy in college. I wanted to be one of those "feminist" writers that could not find a place for herself. So she had to either experiment with sex or drown, or often do both. Senior year I wanted to be Anais Nin. I'm reading her diary now (still) though now I no longer envy her journey of sex and sensibilities. Perhaps I'm more solvent in many ways and want a path less daring. I know this will surprise many of you---especially my college friends who always admired my zeal for adventure and self-discovery. I remember then I had wanted no man, but rather several b/c there was no way I thought I was going to find somebody who could fulfill everything that I wanted filled. Not that it is a feminist notion that a man will fill you---I remember the poems my mother had on the fridge advising against that: don't wait for anyone to give you flowers, plant your own and live on today's ground b/c tomorrow's is too unstable...the premise being that you have to take care of yourself. I'm feeling a bit like Ani Difranco when she said love distracted her. Not that I'm distracted: I wrote a new poem today (seems like Monday has become my significant writing day) and not that I'm in love per se or verbatim, but well, you know how these things go. Let's just say, I'm very focused. Seeing that I'm becoming more romantic and involved with one person, now I have to leave some of the discovery up to the characters in my poems. Let me introduce you to another alter-ego, Tina: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/sestinas/21CarlySachs.html

Mark Your Calendars Folks!!!

Yes, by drinking cocktails you can help cure AIDS!!!! This is a huge event at the Bar and yes, the press will be there so put on your party best!

http://www.ontaponline.com/boards/viewtopic.php?id=241

Le Mystery Revealed

Ce soir yesterday, dans la voiture de Jonathan, nous alle au Virgina pour le diner a Mr. Francois. Je suis manager a grande lamb avec les vegetables avec les wine avec les etc.... Quelle food. Je pends que Jonathan is tres fantastique mais mon francais, not so much.

Nous allons: http://www.laubergechezfrancois.com/

Au revoir. Arrete moi a la Rouge ce soir!

Bar Log-The First One

Our new manager introduced the concept of a bar log. Notes to pass on. We're supposed to say things like, Stella was the most popular beer. Sorry, I left you no limes. Bar was busy. Perhaps we should hire a bar back. Someone threw up in both bathrooms. I wonder if it was the same person. Need to order more Bailey's.

Though I wrote a very prosey one in the bar, here's the blog version.

Last night I invented two things. The raspberry martini (though I'm sure done before) and the Orange martini. I like the word Cointreau. I also made a midori martini and these were for the fellas lined up at the bar. They wanted me to concoct drinks for them. Not in that witch way but in that magic potion genie kind of way. There's something to be said for being a bartender. However, like any chef, I won't prostitue my recipes here. You'll have to come in and ask nicely. It's strange these guessing games that people like to play. What drink will I like? Make me something not on the menu. So I aim to please. I think there is some truth in our drinks. That you can tell what kind of a drink someone will want before they even say a word to you. Perhaps there is some key to who we are in what we like. Lately, I've become more girly in my liquor tastes---moving from bourbon on the rocks to pink and orange martinis. Perhaps it is the glass I like, the way it feels in my hand, the sugary lake of alcohol saying dive in. No rocks to snag yourself on.

It's a Popularity Contest

So vote me in for president. I promise to serve you drinks with innuendos! And tell all your friends to vote for me, and their friends too!

Bar Rouge: Best Conversation Bar
http://cityguide.aol.com/washington/bestconversationbars/?page=voting

If Carrie was a bit more philosophical

On Wednesday night I taught a writing workshop at the JCC. There's a line from one of the poems that I taught that has been playing through my head lately: Maj has taught us to name things so I will address you properly. And now as I'm grading my students' work, one of the things that keeps popping up in their personal essays is how through writing, they are coming to know who they are, but simultaneously how hard it is to name those things that matter. And it calls some of the things in this blog and the way I handle things. Too be personal but distant. To mention enough but not to overwrite. It seems (though contrary to many of my friends) I do hold back--we all build walls or have ways we protect ourselves. But why should we protect ourselves--from what is it that is out there that we are actually safe from. Tonight in yoga I tried to open my body. Looking around the room, I realized that most everyone else was more flexible. As my legs were over my head, I made a vow to try to go to yoga more and to try to name those things which I am afraid of naming. For I have somehow adopted the rationale that if you name something, then you will have a certain expectation of it, or that it will change from that which you call it. Or that the language will not be enough and once named, something is quantified and hence the expectations and the measurements. And now I'm late for dinner with Jonathan. What's a girl to do?

Yoo-Hoo fellas, check my poetics!

(though one in particular comes to mind).This is what my skirt will look like on the floor. Remember that pick-up line? That's a nice (insert name of clothing). It would look great on my floor. Tonight we're doing Burlesque at the Rouge...so I'm dressing the part. Sometimes I really feel like Dr. J and Mr. Hyde...today there won't be much on my hide...the poetry chitty chat will come tomorrow.

Reb, looks like our senses of poetics are quite similar. (for Reb's check out cacklingjackal.blogspot.com) Though we already knew that.

I Said Lean!

Last night I attended the Moira Egan and Jeffrey Levine reading at Chapters bookstore. This is one of my favorite venues in the city. Perhaps because it reminds me of Mac's Backs in Coventry (that's Cleveland for those of you non-buckeyes). I think what I like is that this series makes one feel at home--it's a bit more intimate than Politics and Prose and the readers are less avant garde (unless you count Moira's glasses, which would make this series the most...love a woman with fabulous glasses). Moira read some of her crown sonnets (where the last line of one begins the next) and it really made me want to try the form. I also loved her sonnet about her friend who collects heart shaped stones. Definitely will be reading her new book, Cleave. After Moira came Jeffrey and though he didn't read as many sex poems except the one where there's some fuck fuck fuck a man chorus (want to see that one on the page) he was equally captivating, especially with his dog and Adam and Eve poems. After the reading over drinks he was relentless about seeing some of my work which he proceeded to hack up. He told me I was always using location as a way to enter my poems and that I should really think about cutting first lines and the word the. Perhaps this is why Stevens ends a poem with the the, but seriously even though I thought it quite forward of him---circumsizing poems right away, it made me really think about where I can pare down narrative and let language work her magic. When I say that Jeffrey Levine is a butcher, I mean it in the way that you can liken a butcher to a sculptor and though Ramona will be asking me to step outside later, no one could convince me that a filet mignon is anything less than art. It's time I ordered my poems more lean.

Connect Four

I used to love that game as a kid, the way you had to plan out your moves so that you could connect four before someone else. I am trying to explain that to my students, how in fiction as the author you have to be able to connect four. You have to set things in motion. Like in ZZ Packer's short story "Brownies," the bathroom has to be dirty so Daphne will bend to pick things up and how once that happens, Laurel will be able to make a connection between Daphne and the Mennonites who paint her porch. And then she will come to the heart of the memory of her father, the way the world can show its ugliness. How only now can she understand the complexity of racism.

Or how in life we try to make a connection between certain things in our lives or make symbols of other things. How we are constantly trying to either see the meaning that already exists or make meaning out of things that don't make sense unless we construct a narrative. In a way, I think fiction is somewhat like a treasure hunt. How one thing unfolds into another. The patternless pattern. That which becomes apparent and that which is beautiful mystery. He brought flowers today at lunch. The surprise of flowers and a lawyer in the middle of the afternoon. The way their stems twist around each other, their pink, orange, red, and yellow heads jumping out from the vase. I too, unable to contain myself.

No Bees Today!

The light was beautiful today. The way it fell through the trees on a morning walk, the way the leaves twirled in their meandering descents. I felt like I was in a movie. I tried to catch them and he laughed as they eluded my outstretched arms. He snagged one and I said, baby you crushed it. He said he liked my klutziness--how it's that my mind is preoccupied with other thoughts and my body doesn't always catch up. Poetry isn't always coordinated. That's how it was on Saturday at the reading at Clayton and Company books. Sometimes the poetry is someone else's world, one that twirls and stumbles and escapes you. Sometimes you catch it, but mostly I think the beauty is in watching the leaves come down--the magic in the way they turn and let go. Sometimes I think we should be more like those leaves and welcome the season to fall. Perhaps autumn should be the season for lovers...

Annie sent me a magnet with a Wallace Stevens quote: It's not everyday that the world arranges itself into a poem. Today I was lucky.

The End of an Era

One thing about the poetry scene is that it is always changing. With technology the way that it is, there are new literary magazines coming out every day.

And the converse, many ceasing to publish. This is the end of an era in Cleveland as art crimes is getting ready to close up shop: so here's the call for submissions: http://www.agentofchaos.com/ac21call.html

Art Crimes is one of the places that first published my writing--Ohio has my heart--it was where I began writing and I think one of my student's said it best in her process paper: I didn't realize how much Minnesota means to me, that is until I moved to DC. I think it's funny how travel always ends up leading us home.